EPIC RAP BATTLE of MANLINESS
'EPIC RAP BATTLE of MANLINESS '''is the 2nd episode of Rhett and Link Rap Battles! Rappers Rhett plays as Lumberjack Guy! Link plays as Arctic Guy! EpicLloyd plays as Jogger #1! NicePeter plays as Jogger #2! Lyrics ''(Lumberjack Guy is in Red, Arctic Guy is in Blue, Jogger #1 is in Cyan and Jogger #2 is in Green!) Lumberjack Guy: I was born, with hair on my chest, A gleam in my eye to latch onto a breast. I cut my own umbilical cord with my razor-sharp teeth, Then I drove home and my mom rode on in the back seat. I didn't go through puberty, puberty went through me, And it was never even awkward cause I made it happen instantly. If you addressed a letter to 'Man' and put it in the mail, Rest assured I'd receive it but I ain't gonna be your pen pal. My time is too valuable for that. I'll be too busy working a jackhammer. Arctic Guy: You're a momma's boy, I was born in an Arctic cave, And adopted by wolves, that's how I was raised. I didn't drink milk, I suckled the fangs of venomous snakes. I killed the first man that I met with just my firm handshake. I potty trained myself, you're still bed wetting. I smell like charcoal when I'm sweating and was the best man at my own wedding. Search Google Images for masculinity, Feel free to Photoshop your face on that image of me. Creative commons, punk. Meanwhile, I'll be adjusting some really large nuts. Lumberjack Guy: I rise before the sun, screw circadian rhythm. I bathe with sandpaper and my underwear is denim. I shave with a box cutter, blindfolded as well, Cause if I look in the mirror, I intimidate myself. Arctic Guy: I got no need for sleep, I never shut my eyes. I tie fishing lures while I memorize Apache war cries. The sun comes up when I tell it I'm ready, Then I trim my nose hairs with a razor-sharp machete. Lumberjack Guy: I'm manly cause I'm so handy, even my feet are hands. I built a hobbit house for a homeless man without using any plans. My kids' jungle gym has a full-size trapeze, And I modified my garden hose to dispense nacho cheese. Arctic Guy: I'm handy, too, I rerouted my bathroom exhaust fan into your bedroom. My right incisor's, a Phillips head screwdriver. I made my sun deck into a holodeck where I hang out with MacGyver. Lumberjack Guy: My GPS gets its sense of direction from me, I can drive ten hours without stopping to take a leak. I don't avert my eyes when I pass roadkill, And I teach an online course in parallel parking skills. Arctic Guy: When my car breaks down I don't call a mechanic, I just open the hood and then I stare at it, And then I call a mechanic. But I won't be cheated, He's not gonna talk me into repairs that I didn't know that I needed! Lumberjack Guy: I can sleep alone in the woods without a tent, I might get a little scared, but then I get over it. I tie knots that Eagle Scouts haven't even heard of, Like the double overhead figure-eight fisherman's bird glove. Arctic Guy: Well, I got the know-how to properly grill every part of a cow, And when I taste a veggie patty I just spit it out. I break your face with a plate if you want it well done, And your wife is always asking me to toast her buns. Interruption: Er, fellas? Everything alright here? Yeah! He was just... cleaning something off my shirt. Yup, got it. Okey-dokey. You guys have a great day! Back & Forth: I'm too much man for a manicure. I don't even have cuticles. For the sake of convenience, I keep a urinal in my cubicle. I can barefoot ski. I can smell the fear of bees. I threw up in my mouth the one time that I watched Glee. I am my own boss. My middle name is Hoss. I don't even know what it feels like to sit with my legs crossed. I've never been shopping. I don't remove pizza toppings. I can tell the age of a mountain goat just by sniffing its droppings. You sniff mountain goat droppings? Uh-Category:Rhett and Link Rap Battles